I need to make quite a few decisions lately that will affect me for the rest of my life. That's so very intimidating that I have no idea where to even begin.

I wish art could help me undo some of the knots that seem to be constantly twisting in my stomach about all of it. Latley even attempting to draw something doesn't work out. I'm either losing whatever small glimpses of talent I may have had due to lack of practice - or I'm just unhappy about everything I manage to produce because it's, "better in my head."

I might try writing again but that's already had it's own issues. I prefer to write by hand but I know a lot of the writing projects I have in mind are ... extensive.

And I desperately need help editing and figuring out better stylistic devices to hold things together so I'm not just rambling things. It makes sense to me but often I find it doesn't fit in a coherent linear structure for third parties.

But then that means I have to let people read it ... and I really am not at all confident in my writing style anymore. I miss the constructive criticism of Mr.Sullivan who always encouraged me even if my writing was shit. I miss being able to get a grade on my writing and be able to see where and what to improve and what to try and replicate.

I feel so cut off artistically lately. Everyone else seems lightyears ahead of me while I sit here and wish I could be better at expressing and at the same time just can't help but compare everything I produce to the people around me and finding myself coming up short. I feel left behind and don't see much point in trying to catch up anymore.

I don't have any shortage of inspiration. I just seem to be lacking any sort of motivation to keep trying when it feels like it's not getting better ...

Anyway ... outrageously long art rant is here. No one much notices these things anyway. </wall of text>